Pick-Up Anti Tips

May 13, 2007 at 12:26 pm (Jumbled Jabbering)

What not to do if you’re trying to gain a woman’s interest:

1. Begin by telling her you heard that Whitehorse has a very high concentration of lesbians, and that she looks “okay.”
2. If she answers that it isn’t a question of being “okay” or not, make sure to tell her that she’s being too politically correct.
3. When trying to make conversation, begin each question with “You’re an intelligent woman.”
4. Reassure her that you’re not trying to pick her up, and then invite her to join you where “it’s a little quieter.” When she refuses, see if you can get her e-mail address.
5. When noticing her engagement ring, ask her if she’d be willing to let loose with you.
6. Tell her she’s pretty, but don’t forget to throw in a couple of comments about her weight; that should seal it for ya.
7. Tell her that being from out of the country (England) is like being a cab driver: people are more willing to tell you their inner most secrets as they’ll probably never see you again. Proceed to ask her what her secrets are.
8. Tell her she looks young enough to be your daughter.
9. When she tries to answer one of your questions, interrupt her to ask another question before she finishes with the first one.
10. Let her know you used to be a firefighter; that always works.
11. Throw in some very personal and deep questions about herself. When she hesitates to answer, let her know that she still has a ways to go in self-enlightenment.
12. Make sure that she feels like it’s an important interview.

I just had to share this experience. Yes, it is a true story and all of the above (and then some) came from one person. Is this guy for real? I mean, what planet does he live on?