Pick-Up Anti Tips

  • What not to do if you’re trying to gain a woman’s interest:
  1. Begin by telling her you heard that Whitehorse has a very high concentration of lesbians, and that she looks “okay.”
  2. If she answers that it isn’t a question of being “okay” or not, make sure to tell her that she’s being too politically correct.
  3. When trying to make conversation, begin each question with “You’re an intelligent woman.”
  4. Reassure her that you’re not trying to pick her up, and then invite her to join you where “it’s a little quieter.” When she refuses, see if you can get her e-mail address.
  5. When noticing her engagement ring, ask her if she’d be willing to let loose with you.
  6. Tell her she’s pretty, but don’t forget to throw in a couple of comments about her weight; that should seal it for ya.
  7. Tell her that being from out of the country (England) is like being a cab driver: people are more willing to tell you their inner most secrets as they’ll probably never see you again. Proceed to ask her what her secrets are.
  8. Tell her she looks young enough to be your daughter.
  9. When she tries to answer one of your questions, interrupt her to ask another question before she finishes with the first one.
  10. Let her know you used to be a firefighter; that always works.
  11. Throw in some very personal and deep questions about herself. When she hesitates to answer, let her know that she still has a ways to go in self-enlightenment.
  12. Make sure that she feels like it’s an important interview.

I just had to share this experience. Yes, it is a true story and all of the above (and then some) came from one person. Is this guy for real? I mean, what planet does he live on?



  1. Stacie said,

    May 13, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    Bahahaha!!! OMG I think I’ve met that guy before!!! That is precisely why I never go out anywhere. It’s astounding isn’t it?

  2. Barry said,

    May 13, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    Sounds like you caught a moron on his best night. It is too bad that there has to be such idiots out there in the world.

  3. May 13, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    It was too good, I mean bad, to pass up writing about it. I figured it would give a few chuckles to people reading.

  4. Fawn said,

    May 15, 2007 at 8:51 am

    All I have to say is, “Oh my…”

  5. Nicholle said,

    July 8, 2007 at 9:45 pm

    Oh honey bun….I wish I was there with you. Our teacher brains could have had fun with this little man. I needed a good laugh tonight.

    I’ll see you in the new school year. Enjoy your summer holiday. I always look forward to getting out of the school system for the summer. Yahoo….Ciao Bella.

  6. July 8, 2007 at 10:56 pm

    Hey Nicholle,

    Nice to hear from you. Do keep in touch…I’ll be back in early August.


  7. September 29, 2009 at 5:29 am

    […] Compare that with the other fellow. […]

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