Boobs: Unanticipated Obstacles in Course

In a previous Sea Cadet camp story, I mentioned that at 13 or 14 I was well ahead of my peers in the boob department. One camp activity that really brought that them to the forefront, shall we say, was the obstacle course. The obstacle course builds teamwork, muscles, and problem solving skills, and some problems are unanticipated, to say the least.

The course consisted of all kinds of fun, scary, and seemingly dangerous concoctions. Swinging from ropes like Tarzan, crawling on your stomach in tunnels and under barbed wire, and walking across a rope bridge. All fun, fun, fun, until I reached “the pit.”

The pit was a huge hole, about the height of 1 1/2 people. Across, there were several horizontal logs set up where you had to climb over one, under the next, and keep going over and under, then climb out of the pit with the help of your peers.

Climbing over wasn’t such a big deal, but when I had to get under the log, well, I got kinda stuck. Yup, the twins were in the way. The way I remember it, I was lying on my back, trying to push myself through with my legs, and suddenly, I couldn’t go any further. I tried going for a diagonal manoeuvre in the hopes of getting through thinking if I can get one in, then the other would have to follow.

Knees bent, pushing with my feet, and squirming under the log, I looked up and noticed my squad leader towering over the edge of the pit, watching me, with the sun’s rays glowing around him. Mortified, I felt like digging an even deeper hole to hide in for the rest of the summer.

Eventually, I did make it through to a hoopla of cheers from the girls in my squad. I’d like to say that the satisfaction of completing the course far outweighed my loss of dignity that day, but I’d have to hold my fingers crossed.

According to Wikipedia, personal embarrassment “can be caused by unwanted attention to private matters.”

Ya think?

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Teenager discovers jellyfish hiding in her bathing suit.

The headline could’ve been written about me when I was at summer camp with Sea Cadets. A recent post on Boing Boing about a teen discovering a baby bat in her bra reminded me of the incident.

I was thirteen, but by the looks of my …uh…well…you know, you’d never know it. I was an early bird, so to speak. Anyway, part of our Two-Weeks-In-Training, a term that gave reason for everyone to call us TWITs, involved marine survival exercises. One involved jumping off a dock (pretend it’s a ship) to learn how to conserve body heat and energy while in the water. Little did I know, I was getting extra help from a friend.

After everything was over, off to the showers we went to get ready for lunch. As I peeled my bathing suit off to jump under the hot water, lo and behold, a jellyfish was stuck between my boobs. Lucky for me, it didn’t sting. Unfortunately for it, life ended somewhere on HMCS Quadra‘s grey cement floor of the girls’ showers.

RCSCC - Tiger 101

RCSCC - Tiger 101

First Impressions

First Impressions

Somewhere
Between the
beginning and end
Of every moment

Someone – ought
to kiss that woman

I was sitting with a friend, enjoying a glass of wine, when an older gentleman reached over and passed me a light blue sticky note. This is what it read. How delightful!

Compare that with the other fellow.

Pick-Up Anti Tips

  • What not to do if you’re trying to gain a woman’s interest:
  1. Begin by telling her you heard that Whitehorse has a very high concentration of lesbians, and that she looks “okay.”
  2. If she answers that it isn’t a question of being “okay” or not, make sure to tell her that she’s being too politically correct.
  3. When trying to make conversation, begin each question with “You’re an intelligent woman.”
  4. Reassure her that you’re not trying to pick her up, and then invite her to join you where “it’s a little quieter.” When she refuses, see if you can get her e-mail address.
  5. When noticing her engagement ring, ask her if she’d be willing to let loose with you.
  6. Tell her she’s pretty, but don’t forget to throw in a couple of comments about her weight; that should seal it for ya.
  7. Tell her that being from out of the country (England) is like being a cab driver: people are more willing to tell you their inner most secrets as they’ll probably never see you again. Proceed to ask her what her secrets are.
  8. Tell her she looks young enough to be your daughter.
  9. When she tries to answer one of your questions, interrupt her to ask another question before she finishes with the first one.
  10. Let her know you used to be a firefighter; that always works.
  11. Throw in some very personal and deep questions about herself. When she hesitates to answer, let her know that she still has a ways to go in self-enlightenment.
  12. Make sure that she feels like it’s an important interview.

I just had to share this experience. Yes, it is a true story and all of the above (and then some) came from one person. Is this guy for real? I mean, what planet does he live on?